Editor’s Note: Last year, President Alma Sealine got members thinking when she asked them to sum up in six words what it means to them to work in student life. Here is how it inspired these four professionals.
Participating in this conversation are Brandon Barile, assistant director of housing operations at Hobart and William Smith Colleges in Geneva, New York; Stacey Phelps, assistant director of residential life at Wesleyan University in Middletown, Connecticut; Ed Dadez, vice president for student affairs at St. Leo University in Florida; and Amanda Davis, resident hall director of Whitehurst Hall at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, Virginia.
Brandon Barile: My current position is my first live-off position, and it was a bit unexpected actually. I had planned to move from one live-on position to another, but fortunately things turned in my favor and I was able to live off. Having a partner, daughter, and dog, this was a very exciting opportunity! We bought a house near my job; it was so different to be able to order furniture, decorate, and decide for ourselves how our home would look in every aspect. I find the most calming thing is actually my five-minute drive home – that drive allows me to debrief quickly from my day and switch gears to be more focused on my personal life and family. I of course miss the financial security of living on campus, but living off also has a sense of accomplishment. I was a poor planner, though, so I tell the live-in staff that I supervise to build a financial foundation for their live-off life.
Stacey Phelps: I agree, Brandon. I think it is really important to plan or at least start saving while you live on campus because at any time that perfect off-campus position could come along. I lived off campus for about six years (three years in downtown Boston and three years in southern Maine). You have so much to pay for (first and sometimes last rent, security deposit, pet deposit, car registration, excise tax, parking permits for the school – or if you don’t have a car a down payment, a potential shift in car insurance payments). The city or state website for wherever you move makes it so easy to find out how much things may cost, and car insurance companies are wonderful with giving estimates on how much you could pay.
Boston was a difficult jump since it was such a big city, and I had to figure out so many things . . . do I live in the city or on the outskirts (Cambridge, Medford, etc.)? Should I get rid of my car and rely on public transportation and zip car? How far can I commute successfully on a daily basis? A lot was trial and error. I found a great apartment (shoebox) in the North End of Boston that I loved. My car was paid for, so I took it, but after some tire slashing and a towing incident I sold it after the first year and decided I could handle the 40-60 minute (Red Sox game nights, forget taking the train!) commute to Boston University. In both my moves, I used a real estate agent since I had such a short period to find an apartment. When I moved to Maine, she introduced me to another agent who had an apartment building he rented, and I found a great place close to the school and the beach. It pays off to spend some time with an agent sometimes since Craig’s List can be an exhausting process. If these options do not pan out, try contacting an off-campus housing office for your new institution or facilities. Oftentimes they have listings or know people in the area who rent to staff and faculty. They can also give you the inside information about your potential landlord.
I also think you should not be ashamed if you have to take on a part-time position on the weekends. Once I saw how much I was paid and that I was only paid once at the end of each month, I decided to lifeguard at the local YMCA on Saturday mornings for extra cash. While it was hard to do sometimes, the mid-month cash was a nice addition to my bank account each month, and life guarding was something I enjoyed and found relaxing, just sitting in my chair watching lap swim. I know plenty of mid-level folks who take on something whether it is holiday help or consulting for some extra money.
As someone who is now living back on, I realized how much I loved the commute and needed separation from campus life to relax and focus on other things. I also have been reminded how hard it is to budget without the necessary expenses. I try and live as I did when I was off campus and save money that would have gone toward bills back in Maine for when I find my next off-campus position.
Ed Dadez: Since my first live-in graduate position at Ohio State in 1980, my wife and I have lived on university campuses 28 out of the past 31 years. We have lived on campus at the University of Dayton, Michigan State, Bucknell University (house on freshman quad), and Saint Leo University. Terry and I have raised two sons in campus residence halls and have very rarely had a problem. Even now as vice president for continuing education and student services, I love living on campus. I am able to attend campus events, athletic events, speeches, and eat in the dining hall with students, staff, and faculty. We like living where the life of the campus is located.
In addition, both of our sons moved off campus during their senior years at Saint Leo and loved living off campus. The positive for us was that as “empty nesters” we never had to worry about either son being a “boomerang child.” Neither of them have ever wanted to move back into our apartment, and Terry and I continue to enjoy our freedom.
Amanda Davis:As a young professional it is really interesting to hear you all chat about your experiences. I went right from living on campus as an undergraduate into a hall director position. I have never had to consider the cost of rent, electricity, water, etc. However, I still find it hard to save for the future. While in graduate school at the University of South Florida, I remember being told time and time again to save now while all of my big expenses were being paid, but I find it extremely difficult to do so, especially with all of the random expenses that occur. I think this is the one reason I am still persistent about living on campus. Even though I would love to have an off-campus position, I worry that I won’t be able to afford to move off campus. So in order to help me save I have started to look at other options to work to save money but still be available for my position. One of these options is selling Mary Kay. This is a great side job that lets me choose my own hours and decide how much effort I want to put into the business, and it is something I enjoy that gets me out of the residence hall. I am also looking at finding a way to do some outside consultations or such that can relate to student affairs but still be outside money.
I find myself continually going back and forth about living on and living off. I love the fact that every night there is something going on in my residence hall. Whether this is an RA program, a community council meeting, or just students studying by our fireplace, I never feel like I am alone, which is good for an over-extrovert like me. I love that I can wake up in the morning, go for a run around a safe community, and my office is right down the hall from my apartment. My friends who have to commute to work envy that I only have to fill up my SUV once a month because I bike or walk to work/meetings around campus. They laugh about the fact that I never have food in my cupboards, unless you are of the canine species, but if you are down for a meal I will bring you to our legendary cafeteria for some amazing stir fry. I know that I am lucky to still have the luxuries of living on campus, but there are many times that I wish I could just walk into my residence hall building and not have to always be the responsible resident hall director. Many times I have come home from hanging out with friends and have had an RA, resident, or GA ask me a question or tell me about a situation that just happened without knowing that all I want to do is go to bed or chill in my apartment. I always joke with my friends that I have 22 mothers/fathers, because that’s how many RAs I have, and they are all very curious about where I’ve been, where I am going, and when I will return. Now don’t get me wrong, I love that they are comfortable enough to talk with me and want me to be a part of their lives, but at times I just want to get away.
I think one of the questions I would propose, especially for those of you who have families, is what was it like to raise a family while living on? I currently am not considering the family life style; I barely have time to love my cute little dachshund, but I do hope that in the future I will have a family. I have two coworkers who have children, and I just am curious about how they succeed.
Barile: I loved that my office was just down the hall or a short walk from my apartment. I feel like I often didn’t move my car for weeks. I also really liked being able to attend programs, connecting with residents in very informal (“you live here, I live here”) approaches. I often had residents over for a home-cooked meal and made sure I was visible.
I started my family while living on campus, but I lived in an apartment-style community, so I would say there was still a sense of being live-on without being live-in (I think there is a major difference). I think that in many live-in/on roles there are expectations of being readily available. With a family, I just needed to be more prepared. My partner used to work evenings, which meant that any staff meeting or evening commitment required longer-term planning (and still does). But I found my live-in/on roles had more spontaneous things occurring that you simply couldn’t plan for.
I know many of my colleagues have live-in roles (apartments in residence halls) and have kids. It has worked out for them, and I believe would’ve worked out well for me as well had this opportunity not come up. The biggest benefit for me is being able to have a better work/life balance. I do think residence life staff could do a better job teaching work/life balance to new live-in professionals.
Phelps: I will speak to the introverts who are trying to make this decision. I know many times I felt overwhelmed about attending events and programs and then coming home to even more discussions and events. I love my time in the hall and staying connected . . . but felt I could connect even more when I lived off campus. This became very true when I was at the University of New England. I knew I would have quiet time at home, so I decided to attend more functions on campus and was able to give more of myself in the process.
Dadez: For me it was quite the opposite. As an introvert, if I had lived off campus I would never have gotten to know students as well as I have over the years. I would have put in my 8+ hours and driven home for seclusion. Living on campus provided me with reasons not to go home, but to be active and visible on campus.
Barile: I think living off campus does require additional commitment on my part to make sure I’m getting out to see students. I try to make it to each RA staff meeting once a semester. If I’m already on campus, I might stay for a student activities’ program or an RA program. I do miss being just about to sit down in my apartment, realizing that “Lost” was a repeat that night, and then going out to see what was happening in the hall or around campus. It takes more planning when you live off campus and if you have a family. As much as we need to encourage live-in staff to have a work/life balance, I think we also need to encourage live-off staff at all levels to remain connected to campus. As res lifers, we all know our job isn’t 9 to 5.
Davis: I think there is a difference for those who live in versus those who live on. As someone who currently lives in, I feel that I have an obligation to respond to things that occur in my area, even if it is my weekend off or if I am not on call. I am very visible to my residents; they know where my apartment is and frequently come to visit or say hello to me or to my dog. They seem mesmerized that I have an apartment and always try to look inside when I’m going in. I feel that this is a great advantage because it helps me build a closer relationship with my residents, but I have also noticed that it can cause this illusion that I am always available to the students, and if I am not available they become discouraged or feel like I have ignored them.
I do believe it is hard to find work/life balance while living in the residence hall. I have had to make it an expectation in my personal life that I get involved outside of the university. I do this by going to the gym, being involved in my local religious organization, and joining a local recreation sports team. This has really helped me take myself out of the building and have relationships with others in the community. However, I won’t lie – it is hard explaining to those I meet outside of the university that I live on a college campus and that I am not an RA. It is a speech I have worked very hard on developing and have gotten very good at explaining that I am not a student, that I have a master’s degree, and I do a whole heck of a lot more than act as a dorm mom.
When it comes to work/life balance, I will say that I take full credit for my unbalanced life, as I have always been one who works diligently to get the job completed correctly the first time. I have tried very hard to set up a better balancing system but have discovered that recently, with the additional responsibility I have been given within the department, I am having to set more time for work and less time for other outside obligations. I guess my question would be, is there truly a balance in this day and age between work and life? My supervisor recently told me that when working in housing one must first go through the trenches before they reach housing paradise. I am assuming this is my time in the trenches, but I look at those around me who are my mentors and role models and see that they too have unbalanced lives. Do you all think that as housing professionals as a result of living in/living on we just become immune to having unbalanced lives, and does that continue with moving off?
Phelps: I took the weekend to think about your questions about how it all fits. I think the path starts to fall into place over time. My first live-off position happened because I took a short break from student affairs and worked in academics for a year at Boston University. It helped me to realize that a career as an RD or in academics was not where my passions lie and instead I loved housing and operations. The next position I took was at the same institution, as an assignments manager, and then I moved on to become an assistant director. I really enjoyed my time off campus and discovering my independence and recognizing I can make it on my own. I was nervous to move back on campus; I was afraid of losing the independence I developed. However, I live in a house on campus rather than in a residence hall or apartment in a complex, which made the jump easier.
Dadez: My wife and I are starting to think more about moving off campus in the near future, but it is so convenient to be right here. Our first step will probably be to start replacing all of the current apartment furniture with new furniture that we will purchase. This will at least have us better prepared to move into a house that will need to be furnished. At this time, we would have to buy at least 80 percent of a household to live off campus unless we went back to milk crates, long boards for bookshelves, and a sofa bed.
Barile: Oh, yes, the purchasing of furniture. My partner and I began with our own bedroom furniture and then slowly added/replaced other items so that on our recent move off campus, we had just about everything. One suggestion I have (to make things easier on you when you move) is to perhaps not purchase the furniture and replace your current live-in furniture, but rather create a savings account for different furniture sets – then, when you make the purchase, they can deliver and set up in your new home. Moving furniture is probably my least favorite thing.
I often wonder if professionals realize the difference in salary when taking a live-off versus live-on position and if they have really taken into account that after new expenses it’s likely that you’re making less in your new position than in the old position. Between meal plans, utilities, travel, rent, etc., these new expenses can really eat away at the higher salary you may have received to move off campus.
Phelps: Really pay attention to things like utilities when you move. In my first apartment everything was included, and in the second apartment I paid electricity which included hot water. You start to learn very fast that hair dryers use a lot of electricity and that long, hot showers become a luxury. Remember that hot water heaters can be adjusted by a landlord and understand exactly how you are billed and how much you pay in additional fees and surcharges.
Don’t forget to ask Human Resources if cell phone providers or other services offer discounts to university staff. You can save money by looking into these things, whether it is money off your cell phone bill or a local garage that offers a discount to university employees.
Dadez: After reading what the two of you just wrote, I guess my wife and I will continue to live on campus. It has been a long time since I paid for utilities, water, TV, phone, Internet, trash pick-up, etc. And when something breaks, it is fixed right away. In fact, why would any of us want to live off campus?
Davis: I was just thinking the same thing, Dr. D. I am pretty sure living off campus is becoming less and less appealing. I guess the only thing I wish for is more personal space. I do sometimes feel that it is expected that I attend more events or be more available because I live on campus. I know this is a part of my job, but at times it does get to be a bit much; however, it sounds like I may have to get a second job if I am intending on living off. Oh, this conversation has been more and more educational.
Barile: I would say many live-on/in positions are created with the general idea of availability and being able to respond more quickly in an incident or to a situation. If an off-campus position offers an additional 10 or 12k than what you were offered living in, that extra money would definitely be going towards other expenses. That’s why saving now is so important. Do I miss not having to mow my lawn, do plumbing and roofing repairs and garbage clean up, paying utilities (especially considering the heat usage in the winter)? Absolutely. But there is just something to having your own home.
How can supervisors perhaps better prepare live-in staff for the transition?
Phelps: I think the best way for a supervisor to start assisting their staff is through tools such as Human Resources. I know that many human resources offices can give information about and discounts for oil delivery, cell phone plans, garages, and other places that have deals so that school employees will frequent their businesses. The HR department can also give honest feedback about how it would be if a staff person commuted. It may be as simple as the human resource person knowing that the supervisor is open about their own live-off situation and staff are welcome to ask questions. While for the most part residential life people are in each other’s business, you may need to open the door a little bit to others who may be struggling with the decisions of moving off, buying a house, or starting a family.
For me it was less about my supervisor and more about conversations with my parents and my friends on how I could make it a reality. I relied less on res life people and more on those who had made the jump during college or after. It was a great conversation to have since they can actually relate to you, when for the most part it is hard to understand what we do.
James Baumann is the ACUHO-I Director of Communications & Marketing.
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